Find the soul mate, your half, crazy love. The dating sites promise you mountains and wonders … and it is true that the couples created on the Web have multiplied in recent years. So must we be tempted? Finding great love through the Internet, what should you think?
The specialized sites have something to attract the young public. In addition to the prospect of meeting, their playful spirit attracts the curious, eager for novelties. “A friend wanted to register on the NRJ Rencontre site but she had to sponsor someone, I agreed to see,” says Joanna, who found herself registered.
The benefits of online dating
To find the soul mate, the web has some advantages. Gabriel himself was tempted. “A few years ago, I registered on a dating site, more out of curiosity than to find love,” says the young man. What seduced him: the reassuring aspect, the protection. “The computer is a barrier to protect yourself from the unknown,” admits the young man.
The Internet also makes it possible to go beyond geographical boundaries. Unpopulated campaigns or large impersonal cities, the web allows to widen the search. “In Paris where I live, we cross a lot of people but we keep few contacts,” says Solenne who met his friend via a site.
For Chantal Raymond, marriage counselor at Rueil-Malmaison (92), meetings on the web are not to be banned, far from it. “The Internet can be a good way to meet people today, among others.” A tool she recommends especially to isolated people. “I am thinking in particular of young people who lack confidence and self-esteem or who do not have networks, through sports, or friends for example.”
Isolation, Mariam knew when she moved to Lille for her studies. “I did not know anyone, so I signed up on a chat between young people in the city, where I knew my future husband,” recalls the young woman.
Say what you’re looking for right away
Looking for your prince or princess on the web, but this is not the case for all connected. Between curiosity, adventure of a night, hunters of girls or long-term love, all profiles are mixed on dating sites, especially when you are young. “I did not really expect anything specific, at least not the big love,” recalls Solenne. “I still had a friend when I signed up,” adds Joanna, “it was really for fun, to laugh with my friends.”
Gabriel remembers his first disappointments. “To find the rare pearl, you must either be very lucky or spend a lot of time”. A search that can be expensive on sites that do not hesitate to charge its users, including men.
Still not discouraged? So put all the chances on your side. If you are looking for a lasting relationship, do not hesitate to let us know from the first exchanges. “You have to be cash, announce the color immediately to the person in front,” insists Chantal Raymond. A capital frankness with stereotyped virtual profiles. “On these sites, everything is calculated, we choose someone on a profile, a physical, qualities and a truncated description since it emanates from the person itself and it is not objective,” insists Solenne.
Being honest about your expectations, certainly, but during the first exchanges, avoid revealing everything about your personal life. “The danger is to say too much from the start, do not force yourself, set your own limits,” recommends Chantal Raymond.
Learn to discover, to talk to each other
Betting on the natural is also a good way to know if the attraction is reciprocal and sincere. “There was this kind of natural flow between us, we felt comfortable talking about everything, without embarrassment,” recalls Solenne. It is also around crooked atoms that dialogue can be built. The Internet offers you to go through words, language, it can give content to the relationship, allow you to better understand the world of the other, exchange on your tastes, your interests.
“The trigger was when I realized he knew the little town I came from, it created the first links,” says Mariam.
The two young women also agree that loving feelings are born much later, in the course of discussions or after the first “real” encounter. “At our first meeting, I did not really feel for him,” says Solenne.
A way to remember that a relationship, even in love, is built step by step. By chat, email or text, it is also necessary to take the time to discover his interlocutor. “Today, everything must go fast, and it is very important to ask the right person the right questions, to check that we have the same objectives,” says Chantal Raymond. All the more, if you want to live a lasting love. For Solenne, the virtual seduction game lasted a month. “We managed to create a kind of daily complicity, I was always looking at my phone to see if I had a message from him.”
The first meeting
Taking the time to discover yourself is also what Mariam and her husband did. “For three months we sympathized, then we sent emails and we phoned.” The phone helps to better understand the person. “We must privilege dialogue to make his own opinion and not meet when we feel ready,” said Solenne. Because if the first encounter is essential, it represents only one stage of the relationship.
Of course, you will also think to be careful for this first meeting, especially if you are very young: “It is necessary to be vigilant.The place of meeting is very important.It is necessary to privilege a public place where there is passage” , recalls Chantal Raymond. Even if you want to remain discreet, sad news shows that it can be useful to inform a friend of the place where you go. Also start with a brief meeting, a pot in a cafe, and not a whole weekend in his house.
Do not forget the In Real Life meetings
The Internet is certainly a proven tool. “We all have people around us who have met on the Internet,” explains Chantal Raymond.
But the web should not be a complete substitute for other ways of meeting. “The Internet can facilitate the meeting, but nothing replaces the real contacts.The risk is to stagnate in the virtual, never concretize the relationship, stay fix on fantasies,” says the specialist.
So do not forget outings with friends, sports clubs or after-work between colleagues, because the spontaneity and the unexpected are recipes that have always been proven.
Seeking spontaneous encounter on the Web
The lack of spontaneity is a bit of the problem of “dating site” according to a recent study of user behavior on an online dating site. “To already know the person on the screen before getting to know it really, it removes the charm to a meeting,” says ironically Solenne. Gabriel makes the same observation. “The problem is that it can quickly meet arranged, there is a lack of spontaneity,” says the young man who no longer visits these sites in recent months.
“The risk on these sites, he adds, is that we will try everything to make it work while in another context we might not even have spoken to the person,” regrets Gabriel. “You have to follow your instinct and try to get away from the tons of information you are given on a profile,” says the young woman.
Another way to lead the chance and avoid the effect “poker game”, choose discussion websites that offer more original formulas like outings around a common theme, an activity. “At least there is a shared focus,” says Gabriel. What easier to create the dialogue. “Facebook is also a good way, at least you have mutual friends with the person,” adds the young man.
Advice that Mariam approves who has even met her husband on a chat dedicated to students Lille. “It was more spontaneous, we met each other as we could have met on the street”.
So if the web has become a means to find a soul mate, know how to use it cleverly. At the game of “Who will find love on the Web”, it is better to go through the boxes “curiosity”, “franchise”, but also “patience and” caution, before arriving at the first meetings and “great real love “.